Sunday, February 3, 2008

If I was a superhero, I'd wear a cape, definitely. Why? Cuz capes are for pimps!

I like: dancing, playing pool, paddle tennis and dodgeball (but not at the same time) and fighting crime. I wish I were a superhero, My name would be, The "Hype." My first order of business would be this: assasinate the entire cast of The View (which would be making America, or American television at least, an infinitely better, smarter, less frightening, safer place to live.) Ummm...and I'm an atheist and I like corn.

I realized recently that have been alive for 35 years with little or nothing to show for it other than a shocking number of parking violations, most of which are outstanding. Although, it is comforting to know that I am “outstanding” in at least one thing, however dubious an area of achievement it may be, I hope to leave my mark somewhere else besides the “100 most wanted” list at the DMV. But how does one achieve that inner peace that brings about greatness and a sense of accomplishment? I asked myself, “what is the most important thing a person can strive to achieve?” I believed if I could apply myself to something that was truly worthwhile, then inner peace would be mine. And I wanted it, tout suite!

Now, I have few illusions as to my abilities. I will not find a cure for AIDS. I will not rid the world of cellulite, nor of Calvin Klein. I have to pursue a life that is meaningful and extraordinary while I have been saddled with profound ordinariness. This does not bother me. It can be done, I just have to find my path to specialness. I have narrowed the field down to three things, which are; 1.)Crusading to end world hunger, (it seemed to do wonders for Audrey Hepburn, however the jury’s still out on Sally Struthers, so I’d have to nix that one), 2.)Making people laugh (I have to say, Ellen is my hero, since the gal is funny and can do 8 (!!) one-arm push-ups, but most comedians seem to be closer to Chris Farley and Eddie Murphy in terms of spiritual evolution so I’m going to pass on dedicating my life to that goal) or 3.)Being a good person, being honest and kind, in other words, being no less than the best person I could be (not to be confused with the Army’s “Be All I Can Be” which of course, would immediately disqualify this particular lifelong commitment). But since I couldn’t think of a role model that was particularly famous, or fucked up or had been featured in an expose on “Extra,” which had embodied #3, I knew that I had found my calling.

Anyways, I finally I arrived at this decision—that the pursuit of “goodness” was a noble and valuable endeavor to invest one‘s time in. And that was what I decided to strive to achieve. And then I realized that I had very little clue as to how one achieves ”goodness.“ Now, before I try to expand on this, I have to say that while good and bad are easily defined in terms of cinema, odors and raw meat, it is not so with people. So, I have to figure out how to define people as good or bad. This of course then begs the question, is a good person excluded from being bad, and vice versa? Now, although a good person, on occasion may do something bad, he may not do anything that knowingly is bad, and he must always try to right whatever bad thing he has done. That is what makes him good.