Monday, November 22, 2010

Friday, November 12, 2010

The single greatest news story, ever.

Man seeks Obama, Jesus restraining orders

Published: Nov. 10, 2010 at 1:22 PM

GAINESVILLE, Fla., Nov. 10 (UPI) -- A Florida court refused a man's request for restraining orders against President Barack Obama, former Gators quarterback Tim Tebow and Jesus Christ.

John Gilliand filed papers in Alachua County court last week claiming he felt threatened by the three famous figures and he made reference in the filings to the men being gang members or making gang symbols in his direction, the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel reported Tuesday.

"I was trespassed from the Kangaroo Gas Station on University for saying T-Bo sucks," Gilliand wrote in his petition for an injunction for protection against Tebow. "I personally hate any type of exercise although I feel Billy Blanks has a wonderful video."

The petitions were rejected the same day they were filed but Gilliand filed a supplemental affidavit, this time naming only Obama and Tebow, asking the court to reconsider his requests.

Let's see, Mr. Gilliard is sufficiently sane and intelligent enough to fill out and submit all the official-type legal documents necessary to file a petition for a restraining order, but not sane enough to realize that one of the people mentioned in his restraining order has been dead for 2000 years.  Awesome.

So, according to Mr. Gilliard, President Obama, Jesus Christ and Tim Tebow are not only  "gang affliliated" (are they in the same gang?  I want to join!), they have threatened him personally by "making gang symbols" in his direction, which he finds antagonizing. (Note: Further research needed as to what a gang "symbol" is and how one is "made.")