Monday, July 11, 2016

Actual email string between myself and a guy on Match.com last month.

Okay, so here's the backstory. As anyone who knows me is aware, I play a lot of paddle tennis. Usually I play on tuesday and thursday evenings from 7:30pm - 10:00pm at a park in culver city with a fun group of people .  Sometimes, when i get there early, a guy named Paul is there with a bucket of balls, giving one or both of his two sons a tennis lesson. He's in his 50s, he's african american, he's a decent paddle tennis player--but I have never been in the least bit interested in him.  Well, I logged into match.com the other day to check my  messages, only to find one from Paul, who's name on the site is "Vitamin P."  Mine is "Hotttpocket" (it was my beloved dog (Maurice)'s, nickname, and after he died, I adopted his nickname, out of sentimentality.)

he said
Jun 14
I think I know you and I know you know me!

you said
Jun 14
Yes, Paul. I know you. But how is it you are so sure that I know you but not that you know me? That's a touch arrogant, doncha think? ;)

he said
Jun 15
Not arrogant at all just another crystal clear example of how some things (like my sarcasm and sense of humor ) get lost in this medium. Good luck in your search. Best.

you said 
Jun 16
Paul, If you think that people don't tend to "get" your humor or sarcasm. that's because they don't know you! It's best to wait until you've gotten to know someone a bit before you use sarcasm in a message because it's confusing. I am not really sure though, what is funny about the statement "I know you know me, and I think I know you?" You think it's funny to suggest that you are memorable but I am not? Because that's not very nice! If you are going to use humor/sarcasm, I would suggest you make yourself the butt of the joke and not the person you are hoping to get to know better. It's just a suggestion, take it for what you will. esme

he said
Jun 20
First and foremost, when I want your suggestion, I'll give it to you. It's obvious that you are taking this matter and yourself way too serious [sic]. To spend time and energy on something so trivial is a waste. Aside from paddle tennis, we don't know or mean enough to each other to go that deep in this conversation, matter or topic. I think this site has a much better purpose for you than to evaluate, summarize and analyze my humor, sarcasm and method there of. That being said, on my end, I'm done with this and will only deal with you on the courts going forward. I'm sure you can understand, relate and appreciate my position and thus my decision. Take it for what YOU will.


Thank you, VitaminP, for revealing what a deranged, insecure and aggressively passive aggressive person you are. I'm so sorry but I have no interest in dating you since you a.) are unfamiliar with both my name (even though we have played paddle no less than 15 times together in the past two years and also with the part of speech called an "adverb"...oh yeah, and because you're a fucking super mega douche bag!
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