This is Paula. She is really, really pretty--if you like skinny, short, hispanic-looking bitches. Now, while it's true that she's above-average looking, she's also an exceptionally unstable, particularly paranoid and abnormally vindictive individual who enjoys making up lies about people (in this case that people is me) she suspects of flirting (and possibly more) with her boyfriend, Gaston. (Despite the fact that no flirting--or anything else--has taken place).
I have a message for Paula, which is this:
I never wanted your boyfriend. Never. He's about two inches too short and his head is 5 times the size I consider reasonable and appropriate for a human adult male. Seriously, his head is OFF THE CHARTS big, which, frankly, repulses me. I'm not in the least bit attracted to narcissistic, arrogant attention whores. Apparently, you like it when he--apropos of nothing--refers to himself as, "The Legend." I saw the custom T-shirts you two had made that said "The Legend" for him, and "Mrs. Legend" for you and, frankly, had to stifle the urge to vomit. But what was the biggest deal breaker for me, in terms of Gaston as a possible romantic partner, was the fact that he failed to mention to me that he was already IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU when he first asked for my deets and then called me and asked me out a few days after I met him. So, despite your suspicions that there was something going on between us, or that I was secretly trying to "steal" him away from you, that is simply not the case. If Gaston told you something different about the nature of our utterly and entirely platonic relationship, it was merely an attempt to make you jealous, and I'm sorry that you were so easily manipulated by him, needlessly.