Friday, September 4, 2015

Frenemies


My sister sent me this funny image after we had a conversation about a former friend of ours named Kelly Roy:

 

And I wrote her back: 

Brooke, 

That is the hardest lesson. I mean, I thought she was my friend and that she cared about me, But it's clear to me that she doesn't feel anything for me but saw me as a stepping stone, as someone to be used as much as possible and when there was no more use for me, she discarded me. 

It wouldn't hurt so much if she hadn't achieved what I cannot; a career in writing, making money for doing something she (presumably, as I do) loves. Especially knowing that she's a mediocre writer (at best) and that she feels so superior to me that she condescends to me whenever I see her even though she knows for a fact that I am talented--and that, without me, she wouldn't have gotten the jobs she got in the beginning when she used the scripts that I wrote as her work alone. She feels no guilt about her behavior, but acted so wounded when I used her credit card once, when I was on drugs and gambling; which I admit, was a terrible, despicable thing to do, and I am very ashamed of it, and make no excuses for it, but the things that she has done to me (and you, as well) are so much more diabolical, so much more hurtful. She called her bank and got the money back in her account the next day. Whereas she pursued the only girl I was ever really attracted to (and the only girl I had sex with besides herself) and then accused me of hitting on her when I remained friends with the both of them; she tried to break up my marriage, she got me fired from the best job I ever had, even though I told her if she called me one more time at work that I was going to get fired, she used to try and stomp on my feet when I was a gogo dancer and she was jealous that she hadn't gotten to be a gogo dancer herself, she lied to me and said that we didn't get paid for the work we did on that show "The Complex," when she got $30,000 and I got not one penny! She knows that I re-wrote the script for Katherine Brooks' "Loving Annabel" and that it got made into a film which won awards and she didn't even have the courtesy to tell me or to make sure that Katherine Brooks gave me credit or paid me a single dollar for months and months of work when I was starting out as a writer. She accepted the lifestyle that my income afforded her and never reciprocated a dollar when she became financially successful. She told people I don't know and who had reasons to be jealous of me personal things about me and then didn't defend me when they attacked me publically, online. 

But what hurts the most, what cuts the deepest is her utter indifference towards me. He lack of any allegience or solidarity, after a friendship which spanned a couple dozen years and which she always said was immutable. I cannot believe we don't even talk anymore. I cannot believe that. I accepted so many of her flaws and mistakes and always forgave her and moved on and she doesn't seem to care about knowing me or being in my life. That's what hurts the most. That she can just forget everything that we went thru together and just pretend I never existed. I don't know why but it makes me feel worthless. Just this incredible, hopeless depression comes over me whenever I think about her--it's physically painful even.

So i guess I just have to not think about her. She's evil. That's just the bottom line. 

I remember right after I got married, we were talking in her car and she broke down and said that she was so scared that no one would ever love her and she would never love anyone the way that she loved me. And i told her, of course you will love someone as much as you love me, because it shows that you are capable of love and if you're capable of love then you'll be loved back! But now i know why she was so scared. She was not, and is not capable of love. Not in the way that i thought she was. 

She is a no more capable of love than a robot is capable of empathy. She is a monster.

To which my sister responded: 


I guess you are not alone . And sorry you hurt so much from her narcissism . But i think the best revenge is to try to forget about her.  Although I know how hard it is !' I am the worst example of not wasting time on someone who doesn't deserve it! Love You.
I ended with:

Brooke!

I love you so much.  without you, I don't know where I'd be in the world.  You are the bestest, most awesom, most supportive sister anyone could ever hope for.  I'm lucky to have you as a friend, let alone my sister!  

Haha Kelly doesn't have you as her sister, she doesn't have any sisters. In your face, Kelly!
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