Do NOT cut your hair. Don't do it. No, you won't look like Rihana. You'll look Rial Ugly.

Inspired by a recent FBook message from my cousin, Poppy, which was this:

"Hey, I'm thinking of chopping all my hair off and starting over... (not shaving my head, just getting a short, girl's haircut।) Ideas? Would you ever....?xo


I responded with the following:

"DON'T YOU DARE. I'm serious. Do not do that. Here's why I say this--

a.) Your hair is gorgeous-and-shiny-and-well-taken-care-of-and-not-infested-by-any-parasitic-organisms-and-soft-and-pretty.

b.) You are not a new recruit of the US Army (or any other of the armed forces).

c.) Your hair is like mine, EXTREMELY fine and in constant battle with its mortal enemy which is: moisture. Therefore, like mine, it's greatest weapon is: length. Fine hair cannot be tamed by any styling product or bristled torture device (aka: brush). It can only be stunned briefly by applying extreme heat and then avoiding the enemy. And when you cut your hair short, you lose the ability to apply heat effectively and to a sufficient percentage of it to overwhelm its natural state of defiance.

d.) BRITNEY SPEARS. BROOKE GREGSON (a few weeks before my wedding--do you remember her hair at my wedding? Do you remmeber her sobbing thru my entire ceremony? Not a coincidence.). THAT CHICK FROM THE SHOW FELICITY.

e.) See picture attached. I doubt Ms. Scarlet accidentally wandered into a Supercuts while hopped up on needle drugs the night before this picture was taken. Which means she paid someone like $700 for this hair abortion. And if a "good" stylist can do this to Scarlet Johansson, (who's not the stone cold fox you are, Poppy, admittedly--but she is pretty fucking gorgeous) I think I'd rather keep mine long thank you very much. Instead, maybe you should go to a wig shop with me and we can have a totally awesome hair battle and take pic tures with our phones and make our friends vote on which wig makes us look worst/best!?

But then again, maybe you'll look fierce--like Rhianna. I fucking love her and her hair!

I don't know. You do what you think will make you happiest. I'll love you and envy your gorgeousness no matter what your hair looks like--just like all your other girlfriends!