Velvet rope burns.

In Hollywood, there's lots of different places to go to when you want to "get your shwerve on," and each of them has their ultra-specific customer "brand." In other words, you would NEVER see the same posse of partiers at Coda on the dancefloor at The Rage. It would be like a Mormon Tabernacle choir group joining a Wicca drum circle in Venice--not bloody likely.

But, even Los Angeles boasts a wildly diverse number of clubs, discos and wine bars--there is one person you'll find at EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. He's not just seen at virtually every club in LA, he's also the pimpin'est, most powerful, most important, most feared, most ass-kissed and, ABOVE ALL, most unjustifiably cocky and inexplicably arrogant person there. Who is he? He's "The Guy With The List."

"TGWTL" is usually standing next to the bouncer at the door--he's too pretty to be a bouncer (and too much of a pussy). He scans the names on the clipboard with all of the speed and efficiency of a DMV employee using a Commodore 64--be sure to speak cleary when giving him your name and always (ALWAYS!) spell it out for him, slowly. Many a bewildered listee has been turned away, unjustly, because of TGWTL's unfamiliarty with the alphabet.